“Enjoy your time off”.

This is a phrase that pregnant women often hear in the workplace in the lead up to maternity leave, which infuriates me personally and professionally, as both a mother who struggled immensely with new parenthood, and a researcher with an interest in transitions to parenthood and employment.

For a start, the assumption that maternity leave is in any way ‘time off ’ is highly problematic. That maternity leave is all coffee dates in cosy cafes and baby massage classes. There are arguably few other comparable experiences in which time away from the workplace requires someone to be working so much; 24-hour responsibility for a tiny human, often without access to an intensive training course or adequate resources (such as the infamous ‘village’ so cited often as important to raising a child). New mothers are often navigating this significant physical and emotional workload on a lack of sleep, crashing hormones and whilst recovering mentally and physically from birth (which might well have been traumatic and/or involve major surgery).

As well as belittling the enormity of the transition and the work involved, and no doubt upsetting the expectant mother in question, the ‘time off’ narrative around maternity or parental leave can have significant negative consequences in the workplace. Women on maternity leave are often ‘out of sight, out of mind’, with managers failing to check in and/or provide business updates or career opportunities. Returning mothers are seen as out of touch with the business, no longer committed, motivated or interested in progression, less ‘valuable’ to the business somehow. Applications for flexibility which would enable the employee to continue contributing at both work and home are turned down because it’s “too tricky” or problematic for the business to make work.

Secondly, the assumption that maternity leave is a happy, positive time to be ‘enjoyed’, is also problematic. As many as 1 in 4 women will experience mental health problems during pregnancy and post-birth, with a majority feeling too scared to fully disclose their symptoms to health professionals. Many women will thus spend some, if not all, of their maternity leave feeling depressed, anxious, scared, ashamed, or a host of other emotions. The framing of maternity leave as a universally happy experience can downplay the need for sensitive wellbeing checks during this period, and a considered, supportive approach to the return to work.

Isn’t it time that we rewrite this narrative? Time that employers, managers and colleagues recognised parental leave as the crucial societal labour that it is; in its crudest terms, literally nurturing the workforce of the future! Isn’t it time that we recognised the range of emotions that a new mother or father might be feeling during this period of transition: from worker to new parent and then to working parent? Isn’t it time that we recognised the significant skills that parents develop in this period too, like time management, prioritising, emotional intelligence, financial acumen, and negotiation skills to name a few! Isn’t it time that workplace maternity management programmes were geared to acknowledging capability and vulnerability as well as the mechanics of legal compliance (around leave, pay and risk assessments)?

And for those navigating parental transitions at the moment, can you help rewrite the narrative too? I appreciate that the lead up to both maternity leave and returning to work can be really stressful, but can you maximise opportunities to communicate both your needs and ambitions? Can you check that you will receive notifications about workplace opportunities during your leave? Can you request Keeping in Touch days, and prioritise activities on those days that help you keep abreast of any workplace or job role developments; as well as keeping in touch with your team?

Can you ask for a return-to-work meeting in good time, to help co-create a supportive re-entry, and give managers ample time to consider things like flexible working, reasonable adjustments or infant feeding provisions if needed? Can you put your hat in the ring for development opportunities or promotions and make a point of showcasing the valuable skills you have gained from motherhood, rather than glossing over any ‘CV gap’?

Krystal and her son, reintegrating into life back at home following Krystal’s in-patient treatment for perinatal mental illness.