“Good mums should never want to be away from their children”.
When I was growing up, my Granny, Grandad, Nanny, and Grandad would take turns having us for sleepovers. I didn’t think twice about my parents having plans and us being looked after by others. That way of growing up had a profound effect on me. I was taught that balance is truly important when raising young kids. I’m also incredibly lucky to say I consider all four of my grandparents some of my best friends. Fast forward to starting my career with British Airways at 18, working alongside amazing mothers who, through flying, were able to categorise their time into work and mothering. I often wondered if they struggled being away from their children, and the answer was always: “Well, I have to work, and in this job I get to work for three days and be me, then go home and throw myself into motherhood for my two weeks off.”
These “flying mums” were an inspiration to me! I admired how empowered they felt by having work that existed separately from their family life.
It was something unique to that career. I even saw friends leave to try a more conventional 9–5, only to return saying that having defined boundaries between working and parenting days felt much better. They’d say, “I had to get up, get the kids ready, drop them off, WORK all day, and then do the full evening routine! Flying is much better!”
Between the lessons from my “flying mum” friends and the example my family set, I’ve learnt the art of separating work life from home life and, most of the time, thriving in both. I often feel like I’m living two lives: Mummy and Amy Hart. They sometimes collide (like when my amazing agent Charlie ends up entertaining Stanley in a side room because I haven’t managed to sort childcare and there’s something we really can’t miss), but for the most part, thanks to my incredible husband, mum, dad, in- laws, auntie, and friends, I’m able to truly enjoy both.
I’m never far from judgement though and the persistent myth that a good mum shouldn’t want time away from her children. Whether it’s choosing to go on our honeymoon just the two of us, not taking Stanley (my 2.5-year-old joy) on a three-day, work-packed trip to South Africa, or simply letting him spend time with his grandparents, there’s always someone trying to shame me. Strangers message me saying that my mum having Stanley one day a week is the equivalent of her bringing him up. The message is often: “I would never leave my child, and I don’t understand how you could.”
Do I get the dreaded ‘mum guilt’? Hmm…interesting question. I miss him so much when I’m away and the journey home always feels three times as long because I can’t wait to see him. But guilt? I don’t think I do. Are men ever told they should feel guilty for going to work to support their family? Whenever I go away, whether it’s for work or something personal like my hen do (a rite of passage I believe everyone is entitled to), I immediately get messages asking, “Who’s looking after Stanley?” Guess how many messages my husband Sam gets when he goes away…?
We’re told you’ll lose yourself when you have a baby, but I firmly believe that didn’t happen because I chose to keep working. And thanks to the lessons my colleagues and family taught me, I was able to do that feeling safe in the knowledge that Stanley was being cared for by people who love him endlessly. I must acknowledge my privilege; I’m fortunate to have a job I love and a support network who adore Stanley and believe in me and my career.
Being Stanley’s mum trumps every joy in my life but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work. Every day I see new things he’s learning and sweet little mannerisms he’s picking up from the special people around us, and it fills my heart. To any mum who wants to work but worries it makes them “less of a mum” please try your absolute best not to let the shame and guilt sink in. It’s more than okay to bring your talents into the world in different ways. Your work work (distinct from your mum work!) is valuable, meaningful, and matters too.
P.S. These words are only factual until I have a second child… who knows what will happen then!
Amy, Sam and Stanley enjoying quality family time together.
